Urbana 2009 Day 1 and Day 2.

Hello world! So currently I am in St. Louis, Missouri for a Christian Missions Conference. I am here with friends, older friends, and younger friends? The names of the people are: Pastor Joseph Chang, James Kim, Sangyub Lee, Jason Kim, Kenneth Cheong, Patricia Park, Hannah Kim, Paul An(an old student of Pastor Joe's from Onnuree), and myself, Charles Chung.

So for the next few days I will be blogging daily to give you an update on the life from the city of the great Arch. I will be hooking you guys up with videos and/or pictures of our life here.

This where our journey starts. Please enjoy it until the very end.

Feet into my Burton Mission boots.. into Burton Freestyle bindings.. on my Burton Custom X '09 147 board.

Yesterday, I went snowboarding! I should end up my post here, but I won't haha. It was a great time overall. Went with Benjamin, Jason, Will, and David(Ben's bud). It was a sweet time. It was great to just get back into snowboarding and just letting loose. I feel like when I'm boarding with the guys that there is no worries, no frets. Just smooth shredding and carving like there's no tomorrow. It puts me at ease temporarily and it is my escape. It's one of the things that I have a passion for, it's more than a hobby, I really do enjoy it a lot. I think there are a few people that share this passion with me and even though we don't considerate our life, it is something big to us. I think it's because we don't live in the suburbs of North Jersey that it isn't our lives, but thank God right? So, for those of you that are dreading to go boarding, I feel bad for you suckas! Just joking. Let's ride together, and let's die together. I wish I had some pictures or videos of us, but nobody has a camcorder. Boo =(. But anywho, life is good and I enjoyed my day yesterday.

Money ain't an issue.

I know that in these next two weeks that I will be having more posts than usual. It's gonna be a busy few weeks, but no more school work! YEAAAAAAAAAAAH! Last 2 finals were today and they were easy as getting a gutter in bowling. I feel pretty good right now.

Let me give you the low down of my pretty decent day.

-Woke up at 10am.

-Went to the gym with Ben and Jungmin by 11am.

-Came home and ate some good korean food with them.

-Got to school by 2:20pm and took my New Testament final. I did the 20 multiple choice questions in about 2.5 minutes(no exaggeration), but the 2 essays after were a little tough.

-Had a 3 hour gap in between the next exam so I decided to study and chat. I caught up with Bruny, which i haven't done in a while and it was a great 2ish hours of just laughing and joking.

-Took my Philosophy final at 6pm. Piece of pie in the sky!

-Took the train back and Ben picked me up from Sheepshead Bay Station and we went to get his car wash and oil change.

-Picked up Jason and went to go eat at Kings Plaza Diner and it was dang good.

-Picked up Will after and we went to Dunkin' Donuts and we chilled like villians.

-Also, we played a huge prank on Jason that we weren't going to go snowboarding tomorrow. Everyone was in on it and then I told him by the end of the night before Ben dropped me off.

-Now I'm here typing all this stuff up, but what really motivated me to write in the blog was something even cooler.

So, I'm one of the few "lucky" people going to Urbana 2010 and as you all know and it's pretty darn costly. The total price of it is $550. I got in a good chunk of it because of help from people, but I still have about $150 left to pay off. Crazy thing is that I didn't really think about the debt of money that I must pay back Pastor Joe, but then people these days have been talking about the price of it and all. Also a friend of mine kept on asking me, "How are you doing with the finances for Urbana?" And I always reply, "I'm good. I'll pull through somehow. No worries." And I really didn't worry at all. Now this brings me to my point.

I'm chilling in front of the computer and all of a sudden my mom brings over a letter for me and she's like, "Oh, this came for you from PBU." I open it and I see a check inside.

A check for $103.96.

It was a check from working that I didn't receive. The date of the check is labeled as 05/22/2009. Crazy! It's about 7 month's later when this check comes in and it's right when it's needed. This somewhat convinces me more of how good God is. He even handles my finances, shooooo. Haha. God is so good.

He kept this check from me for 7 months because He knew I would need it in 7 months. I feel so blessed because I see God working more and more evidently now. You know when you get some money from like holidays and stuff from your relatives and then your momma takes it and says she'll "save" it for you. I feel like thats exactly what God did for me here, except that I got to actually see the money, haha. You are amazing Father.

Just wanted to share with you a bit of what's going on in my life currently. It's really great right now. Loving life, loving God, loving friends, and loving this time. Bless us, Oh God, so we might be a blessing to you!

Shalom in the name of Christ,

Charles

Perfect timing.

So, it's pretty early for me to write in the blog because I usually write at night. I usually write at night because I go throughout my day and live to tell the story of my day(s). This time though, it's only 11:46a.m. Something interesting happened to me this morning after I woke up. I'm going to get a little more deeper and personal, so hopefully you guys will respect it. Hopefully you guys won't go around and flipping with your friends about whatever.

Anyway, I wake up this morning from a phone call from Pastor Joe. He was just asking me something and I decided to just stay up even though I was pretty sleepy. So I went upstairs to my room (I slept in the basement), turned on the computer, and then I sign onto AIM.

Yesterday, a brother comes up to me at chuch and asks if I got his IM. I didn't get it. Not that I knew of. He said he sent it while I was offline, so the next time i sign on I could receive it.

So my computer turns on and then I obviously open Google Chrome and AIM as usual. I get an instant message from that brother and I was like oh this must have been what he was talking about. But, this whole time I was thinking about going on the computer and doing the stupid stuff that people, not just males, do on the computer. Yes, masturb... You can finish it, but you get my drift right. (People under the age of 16 follow these directions. Put your hand over your mouse. Take the cursor to the top right corner of the screen. There should be a button that has an "x" on it. Now click.) Just kidding, read whatever. Blogs are for the public! Back to the story. So, in my mind I was set on going to some site and blah blah. But an amazing thing happened.

I get the instant message and it was an accountability thing and he was encouraging me to stand firm in my walk. I let him and a few others know that I don't do well in the middle of the week because I get dried out. He sent the message on Thursday while I was offline and I signed on on Saturday noonish.

This was the instant message.

[Offline IM sent 1d and 13h ago] hey brother charles, i know todays a thursday and this when the donwfall of your week goes so i hope u are standing strong right now and hope u continue to stand firm with your walk throughout this week till sunday. =] well do your QTs and hopefully this can encourage you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRIRrMcVb6I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y83-vMeWc9E

He linked me to these two songs that are amazing songs that lifted me up. This took my mind off of everything I was about to do and my eyes got fixed on God again. It really just opened my eyes because it saved me from doing something so stupid that I do over and over again. I really want to stop, but I can't give it up. It's so pleasing, yet so dumb. I've been struggling with this issue since forever and at times its really rough and at others it's a little more at ease, but I'm always struggling with it. Today, a brother saved my butt from a prayer that would have been unnecessary and repetitive. What's crazy is the timing.

If I go back to how it all could have happened this way, then I could go back to the start of my Bible Study. About a month ago, I started teaching Bible Study as most of you people know. I wanted it to be a small group thing where our class becomes more of a community and accountable to each other. To know each other's problems and praises. To live a life of Christianity together, as God intended it to be. We were always meant for community, for fellowship amongst each other and especially with God. So this prayer request and weekly accountability thing started up and as you can guess the instant message was from one of my students from Bible Study. He sent this message that saved me from sinning at exactly 1 day and 13 hours before I read it. If I read it any earlier or any later, it would have probably been looked over as an encouraging message from a friend, but it was more. It's like God made it happen this way. That I wouldn't go on AIM for 1 day and 13 hours. I go on AIM every single day and I'm usually on multiple times a day, but for some reason on Friday, I didn't go on at all. I signed on on Saturday right before I was about to wack off. And it saved my life.

I don't know about you guys, but it just amazes me how God works. It's so perfect. The timing was flawless and He used a vessel, this brother, to get to me in one of my darkest problems. That's called perfect timing from a perfect God.

P.s. Feel free to leave a comment or a response. I want to know who reads my junk, but if you don't want me to know then that's cool too. Even if you don't have a blogger you can comment and leave like your AIM or you're facebook site so I can know who you are. Thank you readers.

Faith+Hope+Love.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Fearing God does not mean to be scared of Him or making sure you obey Him every moment of your day. I mean those things are included, but it's much deeper than that. I think to fear God, means that you acknowledge and fully believe that God is God.

"God is God, and you're not."

-Jhan Moskowitz.

That's the beginning of wisdom. Knowing your place, and knowing who you are compared to someone like God. Whenever you think of God or feel His presence, that you are just in total awe and amazement of who He is. How grand He is and how small we are. That a perfect God would even dare to know the dirtiest scums on the earth, us. We say we're sinners and we say that we do bad things, but in God's eyes it must be so beyond that. God is the definition of "good", He is "perfect", and to see us, man we must be like grease towels that mechanics use but worse.

Fear God. Love God.

The day after my 19th birthday.

So for my birthday celebration, I decided to go hang with my bros. We got some Pat's cheesesteaks at Philly and attempted to surprise Mark at UPenn. He had a little clue we were doing something cause of me. Anywho, we ate, talked, went to get some gelato, and then went to a diner to get some coffee and hot chocolate because the gelato place had to close. We left Mark and the rest of the gang(Me, Ben, Jason, Jungmin) headed for the Turnpike to go home. And this is what happened in between Philadelphia and New York.

My 19th birthday was great. 2 years until I'm dead.

See you soon Mr. Blog.

What's in your box?

Currently I am reading a book called, Seeking The Unseen God by Martin R. Berglund. It's a book that I picked up from a book give-away from a teacher from Philadelphia Biblical University that I attended last year. I got it from Matt McAlack my Youth Ministry teacher and counselor. A few days ago I decided that I wanted to start reading a new book and this was a book that was on the bookshelf that I never read so I picked it up and it has been telling me the things that I am telling others these days. And that was enough for me to say, "Let's write in the blog Charles." So, I'm here on my computer doing what I do... not best, but I enjoy it haha.

So, I recently became a bible study teacher for my Youth Group in FKCB and I teach the senior class. This class consists of Richard You, Gieun Lee, Hwitaeg Oh, Yoojin Lee, Seran Lee, "and that kid David but he hasn't come out in a while." -Richard You

Also, I have led a few of the prayer meetings for the Youth Group's Friday Night Meetings and it has been a blessing. One of the topics that I brought about was the topic of life's decision and plan. I stressed to those at the previous prayer meeting and also in my bible study the importance of doing what God wants for us. Doing what is pleasurable or what is purposeful. I was pleading, "What is your passion? What is your purpose? What do you truly want to do?" These things were the conversation's focus in our bible study.

Now going back and re-focusing on the book that I have told you guys about. There is a little section that I read that was talking about just this. So in a way, this is directed to my bible study students and for those that are in this situation of what to do, where to go.

Could God have a purpose for letting you live in the richest country in the world? Is there a purpose for you being one of the most educated people in the world? (Even if you only have a high school diploma, you're far more educated than most people in the world.) God has a grand plan and a purpose, and just like Moses, you've been put in a very strategic place. Don't miss the opportunity.

In the book Halftime, Bob Buford tells how, as the CEO of his own company in his forties, he began asking himself questions, just like a modern-day Moses. He had come to a point in life he calls "halftime"-the midway point-and he was beginning to wonder how he should live the second half. In the first half of life he had been very successful. But he decided he wanted more than success in the second half; he wanted to do something significant.

Ironically, God showed him the solution to his dilemma through the words of a friend, a business consultant who was not even a believer. After he shared his struggles, his friend asked, "Bob, what's in your box? You know, if you open up a clock, you'll find a mainspring inside you wind it up and it runs the whole machine. What's your mainspring? What's driving you? What are you excited about? What do you want to become? You tell me what's in your box, and I can give you a plan."

Bob explained that he was looking for a new way to live out his Christian convictions and was serious about shifting at least some of his energies away from business pursuits into some unspecified realms of service.

His answer didn't satisfy his friend, because he replied, "I'm gonna ask you again: What's in your box? For you, it is either money or Jesus Christ. If you can tell me which it is, I can tell you the strategic plan you need to implement. If you can't tell me what it is, you're going to oscillate between those two decisions the rest of your life."

No one had ever stated the issue that clearly to Bob before. He realized he would never do anything significant or know the purpose God had for him, until he devided. So he said, ""I put Jesus Christ in the box." It was the best decision he ever made. He went on to start a ministry called Leadership Network, which has had a profound impact on the U.S. But it never would have happened if he hadn't answered his friend's question, "What's in your box?"

Let me ask you: What's in your box? Have you made the decision between purpose and comfort? People, please wrestle and struggle with this. Don't answer the blog or me, answer yourselves, answer God. Think hard, think long, but give an answer to yourself. What is it? What's in your box?

Shalom, blog.

Memories

Well it has been a while blog. Almost a whole month has gone by since I have not written in you haha. How have you been people? The two or three that actually read this possibly.

Life has been a rollercoaster, seriously.

There's so much that has been going on lately within my life, spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. So much that I can't even remember half of it, but I've reached this point now.

Life has been good, and it's only getting better.

Just stating here the past few things that I remember and memories that are within me as of right now.

-My grandmother.

Her death and her impact on my life. Just this last week, my cousin and I went to go visit my grandmother's grave and it was sad, but at the same time I got to learn a lot. Me and James were just talking and we got to a point where we were just talking about how awesome grandma was. When we got there, we did the usual traditional korean stuff with the bowing and kneeling, but there was more. This time was a bit different. We were alone, just the two of us and grandma. Usually we are with our parents and more, but this time it was different. James asked me to pray for grandma and for us and as the words were spilling out, my heart was. Everything felt like it were being lifted off of my shoulders. The current stress, the situations, everything. All was well and I felt so relieved.

-Ben, Mark, Jungmin, and Jason.

As much as people put us into a category/clique of MBC, MBCJ, MBCJJ, 90's, I think that we would much rather be called brother's from other mothers. Honestly these are the people in my heart and mind that I know will be with me until my death and further more. No matter what we are all going through in our lives, when we're together, we're family. The past few weeks I've been really thinking about these guys and where my life is going with or without them, but everything seems to end up with us being together at the end of the day. I know because of college and because of distance that we are being split a little bit at a time in our friendship, but I guarantee that in 70 years, we will be chillin' on the front porch together. Listen world, MBC, MBCJ, MBCJJ, 90's, we're here to stay so stop trying to break us down. Thanks.

-The future.

Yes I know, so broad, but this is on my mind. Lately I have been thinking about what's ahead of me. A month from now, the next summer-fall, 2-3 years from now, and the time about my death. I have been thinking about a month from now because I will be starting a new semester and once again it will be another change for me, which usually is something I can handle well, but not prior to the actually change. So, new classes, new friends, and new ways. I have been thinking about the next summer-fall because I'm planning to go back to PBU where I was my freshman year, but then again who really knows what will happen to my mindset of NYC and commuting. Also, maybe my passion of serving overseas or being a light in places of darkness could randomly appear around that time. Once again, who really knows? I've also been thinking about 2-3 years from now because I will most likely have been graduated by then and I will have to decide on what to do with my post-college life. Seminary? Graduate school? My plans for a homeless refuge center? All this has been going through my head. And on farthest side of the spectrum, I have been really thinking about death and the time around it which I would like to be when I am way older than what I am now. This has been a big one for some reason. I have been thinking about my death and how it would effect those around me and how life would be in my old age. I also thought about my friend's and family if they were to die on me. My momma right now is at an age where she should be retiring, but she's still working as hard as an energizer battery and I was just wondering when it will run out. It was really sad for me when thinking of her dying. I was also picturing my friends, especially Ben and Jungmin dying and how it would be. Ben is someone that I honestly share everything with and my best friend dying. I just don't know.

These are my thoughts, these are my memories. Some are exciting, some are sad. But at the end of the day I am still Charles Chung.

So Mr. Blog, I'll leave you with this. Don't take your Mondays, Tuesdays, and so forth for granted. Life is a God given gift and don't abuse it. God blesses us for a reason, and the reason is so that we can live our lives to the fullest for God. To bless means to endorse life, so let's live. The family, friends, and enemies around you are there to provide and bring memories to you. Life is simple, life is short, and life should be memorable.

Thoughts on The Shack.

This post is coming straight out of my report for a class.

I am currently reading The Shack and it is just blowing my mind away.

It is such a good book and I recommend it to everyone.

This was just my thoughts on a few of the pieces from the book.

Imagine and enjoy.

“Consider our little friend here,” she began. “Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around.” She paused to let Mack think about her statement. “You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around.” ---- “Living unloved is like clipping a bird’s wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something I want for you.” (pg. 97)

This little dialogue between Papa and Mack explains a lot to me. We were made to be loved and when we don’t allow God to love us and people to love us, then we are losing our ability. Our characteristic and our best talent goes down the drain. Just like if you clip a bird’s wings, when we don’t allow God to love us, we’re not flying, we’re not what we call, human.

“The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive which often isn’t much, and then call that God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I’m not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think.” (pg. 98)

This part is so true. So many times, we as mere humans think that we can explain God and know God fully. We draw up this image in our heads and put the best qualities that we can think of, but God is not one to be grasped. Our finite minds do not have a glimpse of the glory of God. We don’t even understand the simplest things of God because God is so grand and that’s the amazing part. God is far beyond our comprehension and human minds, and we need to realize, who made who.

“Who wants to worship a God who can be fully comprehended, eh? Not much mystery in that.”(pg. 101)

Really, who would want to worship someone that they know fully about? That would make it like worshipping your best friend that you’ve been down with since you were babies. For me, it would be worshipping my best friend Ben and that just doesn’t seem right to me. There is a sense of awe and excitement to not knowing God fully. It would honestly be really weird if God knew me fully because then I would not feel like God is even really worthy to be worshipped because I would be somewhat at his level since I knew everything about Him. The mystery is what keeps me clinging on to Him and find out more about Him throughout my lifetime.

“Love and relationship. All love and relationship is possible for you only because it already exists within Me, within God myself. Love is not the limitation; love is the flying. I am love.”(pg. 101)

Love within the Trinity itself is the reason we even know what love is and the reason why we could even feel it. This helps me to understand why God is love and how the Trinity works within themselves. This is great because love does not just appear out of nowhere and God doesn’t just command us to love one another and Him, but He himself does the very thing and He is the very thing! There is love within the fellowship of the Trinity and that explains why God is so for love and goes so in detail about it in Scripture. Love is what binds us together and we were purposed for love because God is one that shares in that love. It’s an awesome feeling.

We are more than conquerors.

Romans 8:37-39.

37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Nothing, i repeat, nothing, can separate us from the love of God. It's everlasting.

As seasons start to change.

So, I was watching Fresh Prince of Bel Air and it was the episode with poetry and the black movement.

As seasons start to change

by Charles Chung

As seasons start to change,

and leaves start to fall.

There's One that never does,

the creator of it all.

Before time began,

and after time ended.

We ask ourselves one thing,

How did we spend it?

As we weep on our knees,

and feel the tears drip.

The pain and the sorrow,

we feel our hearts rip.

Oh God, Oh God,

Why have you forsaken me?

Did i do wrong?

Did i disobey thee?

Then God speaks a whisper,

and tells us this.

I love you my child,

give papa a kiss.

As the seasons start to change,

and leaves start to fall.

He'll never change,

and He'll never fall.

Feed the need.

So, a little while ago I went to new student orientation at my current school, Nyack College Manhattan Campus and a brother spoke some words of wisdom. I wanna share it with whoever that reads this because it just made me step back for a second and see how I was doing and how others were doing as well.

Imagine this. There's a room, like an old fashioned room, like a woody pub, and its just one room with a big circular table. You and a bunch of people are prisoners of war and everyone is tied up with their hands in front of them and everyone is tied down to their seats, but everyone is sitting at the table. The people who have you guys as prisoners bring in a huge pot of soup and nobody has eaten any food in the past few days, so everyone is just dying for food. They give everyone really really long wooden spoons and everyone goes to get a spoonful of whatever soup it is. They try to bring it in to their mouths, but the spoons are too long and their hands are tied so they don't know what to do. They can't feed themselves because theres no way to turn the spoons around with their tied up hands, so they fail.

In another room, same situation, same scenario. They get their food and all, but they all decided, instead of feeding themselves, they would feed the person on their left. They couldn't reach themselves, but the spoons could reach and feed the next person. Everyone ate and got full. They succeeded.

Now, why this story? Why did it make me think of me and others? I thought of my church(First Korean Church of Brooklyn) members, most of them at least. Which scenario would me and my church members fit? We would probably be the first scenario with the people that failed to eat the soup. We don't really account for one another, we rarely help each other in need, and we rarely seek to show love. I guess this was the problem for me and made me realize, wow, what have we been building up all these years. We could say we're a church family of brothers and sisters in Christ, but honestly we're no better than the backstabbers on the next block. We gossip about each other, we make fun of each other, we find flaws in each other, and most importantly, we hate one another. We're all in this boat and I can say that I'm the one steering the boat.

I find myself so many times at the end of the day just thinking, how did I impact anyone today. Did I do anything spectacular? I mean it sounds like I'm looking for some sort of attention or recognition from people, but in a way I just want to have done something by the end of the day. Many times I just sit on the same seat I'm sitting on right now and think, "How did I glorify Christ today?" Most of the times, 99/100 times, I have a blank stare at my off white wall.

But, there is hope. Christ.

If we all look to Jesus Christ and what His whole life was about then we can have a chance at growing with each other. He prayed for those that loved Him and those that hated Him, He fed everyone spiritually, and when people were in need of whatever and whenever, Christ came to the rescue. Christ lived His whole life to glorify God and to proclaim the Father's news and with that came love. Christ's ministry was a love ministry.

1 John 3:16 says, "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."

We have the privilege to even know love because Jesus was slain on the cross for the sake of the world. His life, His death, and His resurrection was the epicenter of love. And so it lives on through us. It does not stop there to just understand and to know what love is, but to do much more. The second part of the verse requires for us to lay down our lives for the brothers (and sisters). We share that love amongst everyone. We have an obligation with that love and many times we fail to share it. We even fail to keep it a sacred treasure in our hearts.

Going back to edification within the body of Christ. The very focus of trying to build relationships with one another, trying to help one another, and attempting to love one another as Jesus did for us is nothing without love. Even non-believers can show care and kindness to strangers which they do. We need more than that. We as believers have experienced and believed what Christ has done on the cross, we've experienced love itself and now love itself is dwelling in us. We need love at the center, for Christ is love. As brothers and sisters and sinners, let's love one another. Let's pray for one another, call one another, be a part of one another's lives, let's hold each other dear because the devil is out to get us. If we stand alone it's easy to fall, but with all of us together holding each other up, the devil will fail.

So, let's feed each other, not try to feed ourselves and fail. Let's look to the people around us, that most likely need us just as well as we need them and pursuit a love relationship with them that Christ has with us. Let's feed off of one another and grow together. In times of loneliness, in times of trial, and in times of fear, let us focus on love.

p.s. LOVE ONE ANOTHER!

You conquered it all.

For the past few weeks I have been struggling spiritually and i was just burning up inside with a lot of regret, pain, and anger, but God stepped in. He broke me down on Sunday, September 27, 2009 during praise during Gloria Chapel and it was just amazing. I was singing and the words just struck me.

The words are as follows:

On the cross. You conquered it all. And now I'm free, to live in Your grace. And it's amazing to know You, God.

I was just silent in my heart and the world seemed to cease at this particular moment and God just took me by my heart and made it pump again. He excited my heart once again to bring Him what I could and He made me realize my reason to live again. It was amazing, to know our God.

Since then I've just been getting to know Him more intimately and He really humbled me that day. I came to my senses and all the blame I've been putting on friends and family was brought to God, and God alone.

I've been reading a book that is required for my Introduction to Spiritual Formation class and it was talking about being broken. If we look to Mark 14:32-42, it shows us the passage of Jesus and three of His disciples (Peter, James, and John) in the garden of Gethsemane. In the garden Jesus told His disciples to sit and to listen and pray as He prays to His Father. Despite the fact that all three of the disciples that were there fell asleep, He prayed continuously. He knew that He was going to be crucified and He had to die on the cross for God's redemptive plan to be fulfilled. He was in agony as He knew His end was near, and a painful and terrifying one at that. He came to God the Father in prayer and poured out all He had. He came to His Father with all the pain and focused everything He had on Him. Then He told God about His problem and His pain that He was going through. He KNEW He would have to die and His time is near. He KNEW that Judas Iscariot was going to betray Him. He KNEW He would be whipped and beat, to show the world what love is. He grieved and He cried out to God. He then heard God speak to Him and the matter was settled, He knew it had to be done for God's greater glory. Jesus then left in peace and in His heart forgave those that were going to crucify Him.

I believe this is what happened to me. God let me come to Him and tell Him all that was on my mind and in my heart. The pain and sin. He listened and let me grieve on Him. He settled it for me. Now I need to forgive and let it go because God forgave Me for everything.

This is brokenness.